I didn't shave. On purpose
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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