I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
