dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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