Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What a dumb baby whore.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
