Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
