Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
