i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
