you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
