there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
