he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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