you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
