He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
