We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
