Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
