I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
