so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
