That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
