I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We smell like vodka and hangover
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
