apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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