im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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