Dual....:-)
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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