He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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