remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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