So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
