I'm so fucking centered right now
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
