Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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