i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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