Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
