Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
