Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am one with the molecules
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
