I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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