and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
