I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
