I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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