A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
