awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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