she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
