How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
