I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
