OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
