I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
