in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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