He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
