her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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