if you like me you must not know who I am
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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