I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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