im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
