the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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