Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
