Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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