That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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