Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
