happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
