after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is Oprah even human
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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