I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
