Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
