Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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