I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
well you can't waste a boner
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
