I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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