You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
