Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
