My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
