things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
