just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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