don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize