yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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