An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
