Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
